I'm FINALLY getting a few minutes to update this darned thing. I know a lot of you are probably wondering what is going on so here is a quick note...the scans on day one showed what was once thought to be Sarcoidosis (or "Firefighter's Disease") is in fact most likely just scar tissue which has become tumorous. I'm not completely sure why that is and don't want to venture a guess here so I'll wait for my baby to fill me in once he arrives home tomorrow morning. The doctor said that James wasn't exhibiting a single symptom of Sarcoidosis. Hmmm...that little piece of information would have been handy about 6 YEARS AGO!!! *sigh* I'm not entirely sure what all of that means or what the prognosis is and again, I won't until I have a lengthy sit-down convo with him. You'll know right after I do.

His flight out of Oakland was delayed for two hours so he's currently about 2 hours into the flight from Oakland to Phoenix. The airport shuttle doesn't run at 1:00 AM obviously so he'll spend the night in Phoenix and arrive home tomorrow morning between 9 and 10 AM.

James is right about now wrapping up his Angel Flight to San Francisco. He has an appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist today. Hopefully, I'll hear from him shortly thereafter. I believe he also has a scan of his lungs as well today. As for tomorrow, he will be having more scans that unfortunately require him to fast starting at midnight tonight. I will be updating here at least once a day through Friday, the day he flies back home. Please, please be in prayer for our family. It's been awhile since his last scans and we're hoping and praying that all is still well and that any tumor growth is minimal or at best, nonexistent.

James will be leaving early next week for San Francisco. He will be back with his original team of doctors (Endocrinologists, Pulmonary Specialists, Arthritis Specialists, etc....a lot of the "ologists") It's been a few years since he's had thorough scanning done so this is a very good thing albeit a rather anxiety-causing thing as well. I know, as Ive always known, that the Great Physician is in control of everything and that He'll get us through whatever transpires but there's still that very easy human emotion of fear that tends to sneak in, especially during the night. I've been having quite a few frightening dreams lately and I'm pretty sure it's because of everything I keep bottled up during the day. So if you could all keep James first and foremost in your prayers and then myself and our chilren also, I would be most grateful. I will update as needed.

James is home! He still doesn't have the results of the culture (to find out what type of bacteria/virus he has) but the doctor let him come home anyway. Who am I to argue, right?? :-) I'm just thankful he's home. When (or "if" I suppose at this point) I hear of anything regarding the results, I'll let you know.

James is still in the hospital. His doctor is running some tests to try to find out what kind of bacterial/viral infection he has that's continuing to make him sick. Once they find out what he has, they can prescribe the appropriate antibiotic if needed. Jacob, Leah and myself have already had it and have recovered for the most part. Jamie is home sick from school today because of it. These things always hit James so much harder than the rest of us. When I hear from James I'll let you all know what's going on.

James has been coming down with a stomach flu over the past 24 hours or so which for most people would be gross and inconvenient. However, for James it is life threatening. He loses electrolytes at such a rapid rate that his body can't absorb his life-sustaining medication. Around 2:00am this morning he was fairly miserable and (as usual) starting to go into tetany. Since we can't have that we had him driven by ambulance to the hospital. I haven't heard from him yet but hope to soon. Will update...

James is steadily improving. Today he's back on his feet and doing quite well. Thank you all for your much-needed prayers! It's wonderful to have my hubby back!

My beloved is feeling quite a bit better today than he was yesterday although he had a bit of a rough night overnight. He awoke around 1am in intense tooth/jaw pain. So he took his early morning dose of morphine and an ativan and was able to go back to sleep rather quickly. I pray he can sleep through the night tonight.

Christmas came and went without any real problems health-wise for James with the exception of the usual hip pain (mostly). He did begin having a bit of pain stemming from a back molar around Christmas Eve or so though. Over the past few days it has become much worse. In fact, yesterday morning he woke up around 5am to such intense pain that was radiating into his jaw and nose area on the right side of his face, to the point where he could hardly think clearly. If he didn't already have such a compromised immune system to begin with I wouldn't be so concerned. Unfortunately, he can't just sit around and hope that things will just get better. Well, at least I won't let him! Of course, because of the whole 'picc line' issue as previously mentioned here, the last thing he wants to do is go to the VA Hospital as they will most likely admit him. They always do. So I was able to round up 4 1/2 days worth of an antibiotic that I'd saved from awhile back (Doxycycline - I couldn't take the full course as it made me violently ill and we're some of those really BAD people who hang onto antibiotics).

He just woke up from his nap a few moments ago and I asked him how his jaw was feeling and he said that already it wasn't as intense. He took his last dose of morphine around 6am this morning so I was expecting him to be in more pain as his medication level diminished but he's in LESS pain! Yay!! That particular antibiotic is very potent and it sounds like it's already working! Praise God!! I'm going to try to keep him in his chair today for the most part though so his body can rest and fight this infection. As bummed as I was to miss church this morning (which is also making me miss my dear friend Elaine *sniff*) I know that this is too important to mess around with. We'll just have a private, family service here today instead.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our extended family (on James' side). As the afternoon began to progress into the evening, James mentioned that his calcium level was dropping a bit too low. Normally when that happens, he would take quite a few Calcium-enriched Tums as they metabolize the quickest and then he'd "pop a D" meaning he would bite open one of his liquid-filled Rocaltrol pills. He would then take a few of his regular calcium tablets as well. All of these steps combined would then cause his blood calcium levels to stabilize and his hypocalcemia symptoms to subside. (Thanksgiving + Full Tetany = NO!!!!!) The Chvostek ("Shvah' shtek") check was also a bit alarming so at that point I was anxious to get him home. My mother-in-law had a HUGE Costco-sized bottle of Tums which of course was helpful but we stupidly forgot to bring any of his Rocaltrol (vitamin D) to puncture and take with it. So as quickly as I was able, I loaded the family back into the van and we made the trek back home. Once back home, James immediately "popped a D" and stretched out in his chair for the night. The less he moves the better. That way his body uses up the least amount of calcium in his blood as blood calcium is required for the muscles to move. (which is why when there is a lack of calcium in the blood tetany, or muscle spasms and eventual paralysis, occurs) As usual, it took about 4 hours or so for him to fully stabilize but as of this morning he is doing just fine. I know all of this information can seem a bit confusing but it's really just another "normal" for us. A way of life that we're very used to after almost 10 years of going through it. Sometimes it feels a little like Russian Roulette though. Take for instance last night when I had to choose to drive the complete OPPOSITE direction of the hospital (40 minutes in the opposite direction) in order to get James to his medication which would HOPEFULLY resolve his tetany issues in time. Do we stay close to the hospital and hope he stabilizes without his Rocaltrol or go home and hope he gets the Rocaltrol in time??? *sigh* I would be lying if I said I don't go through my whiny "life isn't fair" moments. I hate this. I really hate thinking about all of the times I've almost lost my husband to the side issues of his cancer and not the cancer itself. Believe me, I KNOW I've been blessed beyond measure as well. He died in my arms almost exactly 9 years ago but God gave him back to me and we've had such a wonderful life together. I have to stop focusing on the "what ifs" and whether or not I'll be too late to help him this time or the next time. I CAN say however that I'm going to double and triple check to make sure we always have an extra supply of his meds wherever we go. Last night's lapse in judgment at least came with a good lesson, right? :) God has given us today. Today is beautiful. Today is another gift, another day I get to spend with my beloved. My heart. My first and only love. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't spend ENOUGH time with him! 60 years together wouldn't even scratch the surface of the time I want to spend with him. But today, I have TODAY. I'm going to spend it with my sweetheart and thank my God for giving us yet another TODAY. :)

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

My beloved is home, home, HOME!!!!!! Praise be to God!!! :)

I went in to visit my sweetie again this morning. He was still in the ICU at the time although they moved him to a regular ward earlier this afternoon so they can discharge him tomorrow morning! Already!! I'm SO excited!! I can't WAIT to bring him home!!!!!

On a brief side note, his doctor decided (in spite of James and I protesting) to keep James on a continuous calcium IV drip all day yesterday. Sure enough, James' blood calcium level began to go too high, although not dangerously so. The result was a 'calcium headache' upon waking (think of your worst migraine times 10). He had the nurse contact the doctor who reluctantly gave permission for the IV calcium drip to be discontinued. This particular doctor can be a bit stinky at times. Oh well, at least he's letting my baby come home in the morning! :)

I spoke with James last night around 1:00am and went in to visit him this morning. Currently he's in the ICU on a 12-lead (heart monitor) as he usually is for the first few days. When his blood calcium level gets too low it messes with the rest of his body chemistry, including his heart. His heart is becoming overtaxed from the calcium fluctuations over the past 9+ years. So far there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage and I pray it stays that way but his sitting heart rate continues to be dangerously high.

As far as the tetany he was experiencing last night, they have him on a calcium drip through his IV. He was fighting me a little regarding going into the hospital as he was terrified the doctor was going to have to put in a main line because of the years of IV calcium which has hardened his veins making it extremely difficult to insert a standard IV. Jamie and I prayed on the way home from the hospital (after we dropped him off) last night that God would send someone who could successfully insert a standard IV so he wouldn't have to go the main line route. He said the first ER nurse tried a few times and couldn't get a cooperative vein but a second nurse came in and was able to successfully insert the IV. Praise Jesus!! I noticed this morning that his left wrist (the IV site) is bandaged up pretty good to prevent it from bending at the point where the IV goes in. I know a lot of you probably already know about a lot of the medical terms, etc. but for those of you who don't, I'm just trying to help a bit.

When I saw him this morning, he looked a thousand times better than he did last night. I expect him to be in the hospital for the better part of the week at least. Our pastor called this morning to check on the children and I and let me know that he would also be going in to visit James today. I'll continue to update as needed.

I just dropped my beloved off at the hospital. Same old same old. We've all been battling the "Whine" flu and because of James' health issues, it's hit him rather hard. (heart issues and partial tetany) I'll update as I get news. *sigh* Gotta run...have 5 little ones to get up at the crack of dawn and off to school.

Thank you, all for your kind words and comments. Your prayers also are felt by us. I apologize for the tone of that last post. I was a bit "whiny" that day, wasn't I?? ;-) Anyway, James has been able to stay out of the hospital for a while now (a week+!) which is always encouraging news. Between the M.E.N.1/cancer issues and now the tachycardia issues along with the fairly recent medication stabilization problems, it sometimes seems he is IN the hospital more than OUT. Regardless of having to stay put in his chair all day I am really enjoying just having him HERE. I can always feel his presence near me wherever I might happen to be in the house rather than so far away from him when he's admitted. That little "In sickness and in health" clause within traditional wedding vows never really seems like too big of a deal when you're just dealing with colds/flu or even the occasional surgery. But when your spouse, lover, best friend, etc. is continually wracked with pain, discouraged and frightened, needing you to care for and even "baby" them now more than ever, it takes on a whole new meaning! That's where faith in God comes in! He wants nothing more than to strengthen our resolve and faith in Him, continuously renewing us and teaching us lessons in patience, faith, etc. He is always so close even when we become so discouraged and wants, NEEDS us to cry out to Him. I seem to do that quite a lot and do you know what? He's never failed to answer me. Sometimes I don't care too much for the answer but it and HE is always there.

Today was a bad day. James' heart medication keeps him in his chair sleeping 24/7 and as you can imagine with a busy household, I am rather at my wit's end by the end of the day. I've been crying for the past hour or so. The cancer hasn't stolen him from me yet and his heart may not have given up yet but at times I already feel like a widow. I guess that makes me a really bad person.

James called me at 6:19 this morning from the hospital. He'd forgotten that today is Saturday and I wasn't up early getting the children ready for school. So much for sleeping in, right?? It was good to hear his voice though. I miss him so much. He mentioned that the results from his two scans two days ago didn't show anything significant so that's pretty good news! The scans weren't as clear as we would have liked (i.e. a fine-cut CT scan) so that a lot more detail would show up but we're still fairly satisfied with the news! Still no results from yesterday's scan though. He's hoping to be released from the hospital today, as am I obviously! The doctor mentioned that his blood calcium level (which was at a 6 when he arrived at the emergency room for those of you who understand that sort of thing...and how it was amazing he was still alive at that point with his level so low!!!) was still dragging a little on the low side as of last night. James mentioned that it wouldn't be and would have actually been just fine had the doctor not disconnected the IV that was GIVING HIM CALCIUM the day before yesterday!!! DUH?!? It's usually prudent to wait until the patient's blood chemistry is STABLE before removing his intravenious meds which were currently being used to fix said problem!!!! I wish doctors knew more about my husband's illness. At times James and I have to explain a lot of the aspects of the disease to the doctors rather than the other way around!

James is back up at the VA Hospital in Missouri again. Ok. Rewind that. A lot. It's been a year since I've posted here and so much has happened to us! First and foremost (as those of you who read my main journal already know) we bought our first home (in Arkansas) 2,500 miles away from where we were currently living (California). So now instead of going to San Francisco for treatment, James is going to Poplar Bluff, Missouri. His Oncology care is up in St. Louis (Missouri) though. That in and of itself presents some problems financially for us as it's so far away and getting up there and paying for room and board as well as food, etc. We know that the Lord has always provided for our needs according to His will and He won't fail us now!

So anyway, James was transported up there from our local hospital via ambulance early this morning around 4:30 am CST. Early this year he contracted a nasty virus called Clostridium. It's a very nasty Botulism-related virus. He's back in now for the same thing. I just spoke with him and he said when the doctor came in to see him (same DR he had the last time - very helpful) he said that the Clostridium virus can seem to go away completely but in fact it's really lying dormant elsewhere in the body. So now it's back and he's on round two of antibiotics. The doctor seems to think that James is just more prone to things like this because of the shape his body is in. The biggest threat at this point is dehydration so he's being flushed with IV fluids to remedy that.

As for treatments of any kind, everything's on hold for now. I hate that it is. I hate to think of the cancer that's been growing or spreading since November of 2005. It's times like these when I have to almost minute-by-minute put my faith and control into God's capable hands.

James is home safe and sound from a week of appointments in San Francisco. The results of the CT scan showed that the tumors in his lungs (and most likely the ones in his neck also) have indeed grown and that we can go ahead and begin radiation. So he will be going back to San Francisco on the 27th of March to begin two weeks of his final lifetime-allowed radiation threatment. Beyond this, if the tumors grow back as they have twice already we will be left without any other options save surgery. The amount and placement of the tumors in his lungs would make it extremely difficult for surgery to take place. So we're praying for a miracle. This radiation treatment HAS to work! I know that God can still perform miracles and I believe one can happen where James is concerned. Dr. S did mention that even if all else fails it would still take a year or two for the cancer to take his life. God's will only be done.

He'll be in San Francisco next week for a number of various appointments. Arthritis, Optometry (a mixture of the meds he's on can cause eye problems), Pulmonology (lung), Oncology, the whole gamut. I believe they'll be making an appointment for his next round of radioactive iodine. They're still waiting for the cancer in his lungs to grow to an acceptable, treatable level.

James went back to S.F. a few weeks ago to speak with the Cardiologist, Pulmonologist and Endocrinologist. They determined that the tumors in James's lungs are too small to treat. They need to grow more before they can do anything, most likely his final dose of radioactive iodine as metastatic thyroid cancer doesn't respond to chemo. Once they give him the radiation, he will no longer produce saliva on his own as what's left of his salivary glands will be destroyed (burned) by the radiation. So now we just wait for the tumors to grow. That's not a very comforting thought to be sure but we don't really have a choice at this point.